Adun went shopping today. It was the shopping centre 5 minutes away from her home and it was for food and cleaning materials, not dresses or shoes. But Adun loved that precious hour she spent outside of the house. She had left the children at her sister-in-law’s house for the weekend so she was alone. She took in gulps of the air, and she quickly glanced about to see if there were any familiar faces and finding none, took off her jacket to feel the cold. She wanted to feel the cold because this might be the only opportunity to feel it for another two or three weeks.
No time to waste though. She did her shopping and headed home. Every step that took her closer to the house she lived made her heart thud harder in her chest. She was afraid of returning home. Because she was not sure what trouble would be awaiting her this time. She quickly went over what she made for breakfast, how well she had made the bed and folded his clothes trying to see if there were any possible reasons for trouble today. She prayed that he would be in a good mood as would be his older brother and father. Her sister-in-law had advised her to run and hide each time she made him angry.

“He is a man, everything has to be perfect. So if you make a mistake he will be angry. Just run and hide until he calms down”
And that is what she did. Run and hide.
What else could she do? Adun went over the situation in her mind:
1. She was here on a spousal visa. He told her all the time that meant she was to remain with him and keep the marriage, as that was her ticket to remaining here
2. She wasn’t working
3. She didn’t have any skills. She didn’t complete her secondary education and had never worked.
4. She had no recourse to public funds so if she left him she would have no money, and no place to live.
Her options were very limited.

Maria, her friend told her about an agency that tried to help women in her situation. But seeing how badly Maria was faring now, Adun did not think it was a good option to follow. Maria had left her husband too and went to the agency for help. They were only able to give her a room for some weeks because there was no more space. There was only so much they could do, this agency, in the face of all these documents and rules and regulations. She didn’t have recourse to funds as well so she couldn’t get any money nor was she able to get work. As if that was not enough, her application to the office was refused and in the end, after returning home, she was sent back to her husband, tail between her legs. Now the beatings and maltreatment have increased and Maria cannot dare to speak to anyone or ask for help again. Oh no! She wouldn’t dare.

Adun wondered if anyone among those making those big decisions knew how difficult it was for a woman in her kind of situation, this kind of oppressive marriage, to obtain the criteria required to change her visa or pay for food and rent.  “it is not possible” she muttered to herself. She wondered if this is how a woman’s life should be. Is it possible that she was born to live like this? Sad, humiliated? What did she do to deserve it anyway? Was there no one seeing women like her? No one at all? No one to speak for  her and let the people in charge know that she needed a bit more help to leave this situation? That the obstacles she had to overcome to leave were just too much and so much so that staying seemed a better and safer option? How could they not know all of these?

But what if she found other women in her situation that had successfully left? What if Maria’s story was only one out of many with different outcomes? The thought stopped her in her tracks. Hope fluttered in her chest. What if somewhere there was a group of women who knew exactly what she was going through and had a voice loud enough to be heard? Adun smiled. She was sure they were out there somewhere, adding one voice at a time. She decided to add hers too. She will find them and soon her story of hope will be told.
“ I am a woman, I was born strong. I will not give up” she muttered to herself again.
As Adun got closer to the house, her smile widened. They had no idea how much strength she had in her.

******

This story was not based on real events but highlights some of the issues faced by many of the women we support at Multi-Cultural Famil Base. Weekly support groups provide a safe space for women to talk in confidence about the issues they are dealing with.